Batman

Batman

We all remember Batman, right? Funny guy; lived in a mansion with some underage kid and they ran around in tights and a cape?

No, not Michael Jackson.

Anyway, Batman had this neat thing called a Utility Belt. He had everything in it – grappling hook, handcuffs, lockpick, anti-bad guy spray, probably even hair gel and a comb – just in case Wonder Woman was around. I have decided I need to get me one of those.

Not Wonder Woman – the utility belt. Let me explain.

In the States, you can tell who is whom by the white coat they wear – students wear short ones with bulging pockets; Residents wear the really long ones with lots of pens from drug reps, and Attending Physicians wear medium length, coats – and they’re really clean. But we don’t have white coats over here. In the Australian medical system, you tell the seniority of the doctors by how much they carry in their hands. Or more accurately, how much they *don’t* carry. Most times we’re lucky if the Consultants – we call them Attendings in the States – even bother with a stethoscope. Typically, they swipe one from someone else.

Like the Senior Resident – this is someone who is almost a Consultant. They usually have a stethoscope, along with a sheet of paper listing all the patients who need to be seen, along with their tee time, their tea time, and the phone number of the nurse they have a date with that night.

Now, the Junior Resident, not being too far removed from medical school, is carrying the stethoscope, the patient list with either a tee time or a tea time (as they have less free time), along with a few files of the most important things to be done that day – usually home loan applications and a BMW lease.

Which leaves the medical student. (For those who don’t/can’t remember, that’s me.) I have the stethoscope around my neck (not that I get to use it much – even if I did get the chance, I’m not sure I would hear much but the sounds of the ocean. But I digress.), a patient list (no tee or tea times), patient folders, patient medication lists, a textbook, a pager, a cell phone, my PDA. Then I am asked to carry swabs for culture, specimen cups, blood tubes, x-ray request forms, laboratory request forms, spare paper for notes in patient files, spare drug charts, fluid balance charts, astrology charts, the menu from the cafeteria, and phone numbers for all the local golf courses.

And no white coat with pockets.

So I figure a utility belt might be the next best thing. I mean, as a patient, wouldn’t you feel confident if the medical student standing at the bedside was wearing a belt with everything on it? Phone, PDA, pager, swabs, forms, grappling hook, tubes, rubber gloves, and KY jelly, all in one place. That regular test you should have? It would be done before you realize that snapping sound was the glove on my hand – I mean, you wouldn’t even have a chance to get out the first few notes of Moon River! What do you think?

Oh well. Guess I’ll just learn how to juggle.

It’s the weekend, and the weather is really hot here – 95+ degrees. I’ll do ward rounds on Saturday, so I’ll be in the hospital (read: air conditioning) for a while, and also at the beach cooling off in the water. And trying to figure out what to do with this Batman costume…

As always, Love to All and keep working on your 101 List!
Bryan